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by William Pekrul for GoingHappier.com

In a seemingly perfect world, we would all lead completely blissful, happy-go-lucky, stress-free lives.  There would be no bills to pay, no personal conflicts, and no professional worries to interfere with our personal happiness.  However, the vast majority of us don’t live in such a fairytale world.  We encounter stressful situations of various types and involving a variety of people.  Knowing how to deal with these situations will do much to change a stressful day into a happy day.  In honor of the stressed people in our lives, which pretty much includes all of us at some time or another, here are a few insights which may help you learn how to cope with stress and lead a happier life.

What To Do

Studies show the following behaviors are positively associated with optimistic individuals and good stress management.

• Cope with stressful situations in a problem-focused manner.
  • Make a plan of action and follow it.  (Organize and prioritize your tasks and desired outcomes.)
  • Take action quickly before things get out of hand.  (Don’t procrastinate!)
• Practice positive reinterpretation.
  • Use the stressor as an opportunity to change or grow as a person in a new way. (Think of how accomplished you will feel once you tackle Problem XYZ!  You’ll be a Problem XYZ expert!)
  • Find new faith or some important truth about life.  (You really CAN do anything you set your mind to.)
• Seek social support
  • Talk to someone about how you are feeling.  (Even if all they can offer is comfort and an “I’m sorry that happened to you.”)
  • Ask someone you respect for advice and follow it.  (Sometimes your parent/teacher/co-worker/friend actually DOES know what they’re talking about.)

What NOT to do.

The following behaviors are associated with pessimism and poor stress management.

• Don’t blame yourself.
  • Don’t accuse yourself that you brought about this situation.  (It doesn’t matter how you got into the situation, only how you will get OUT of it.)
• Don’t deny or distance yourself from the situation.
  • Don’t refuse to believe that the stressful situation occurred, or try to forget the situation.  (Ignoring reality will likely lead to additional stressful situations.)
• Don’t escape through fantasy.
  • Don’t daydream about unrealistic outcomes.  (Of all the people you personally know who have played the lottery, how many have become multi-millionaires because of it?  None.)

Hopefully, these points can help you identify helpful and not-so-helpful practices, which can support you in achieving better outcomes when you encounter stressful situations.  Research in this area has shown that a person’s relative optimism or pessimism plays a role in coping, even showing that optimists tend to do better than pessimists when faced with stressful occurrences.  Specifically, research suggests that the different outcomes which optimists and pessimists experience are a function of the strategies they use to deal with stressful encounters.  Optimists tend to do better because they use strategies that are more likely to pay off.  So, try some of these strategies for yourself and see if they “pay off” by helping you achieve a happier life!

Would you like to educate yourself with more in-depth reading of the ideas discussed here? Please see the following.

ARTICLES:

Scheier, M. F., Weintraub, J. K., and Carver, C. S. (1986), “Coping With Stress: Divergent Strategies of Optimists and Pessimists,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51 (6), 1257-1264.

BOOKS:

Perspectives on Personality by Charles Carver and Michael Scheier

Link above to: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=9780205151363

On the Self-Regulation of Behavior by Charles Carver and Michael Scheier

Link above to: http://www.amazon.com/On-Self-Regulation-Behavior-Charles-Carver/dp/0521572045/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1337783477&sr=8-1

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by Monica Rosa for GoingHappier.com

It’s 6:05pm, you’re still at work, and you’re about to pack up to go home when your phone unexpectedly rings.  It’s your boss asking for another report that is needed as soon as possible.  After a grueling day at work, you walk through the door to cook dinner, help the kids with homework, do laundry, and pay bills, knowing that your weekend will be filled with a birthday party, children’s athletic events, family dinners, and perhaps some unexpected emergency.  Does this sound like a stressful day?  It doesn’t have to be.  There are a number of ways to reduce the stress that comes with a busy lifestyle.  Here are some tips given recently by Thea Singer (in the March/April 2012 issue of Psychology Today) that will help you to “stress-proof” your day:

1. Reinterpret a negative experience – See the glass half full, rather than half empty.   If you left your phone in the car or the elevator is broken, for example, see this as an opportunity to get in an extra walk or a quick daily workout.
2. Help someone else – Studies show that doing something for someone else can be calming, make you feel good, and result in stronger feelings of happiness.
3. Set short-term goals – Instead of focusing only on potentially stressful long-term, difficult goals, set short-term attainable daily goals.  Completing these short-term goals can help you accomplish future goals in a less stressful manner.
4. Build Social Support – Make sure you have a friend to whom you can always reach out to discuss stressful experiences.  Research using brain scans has shown similarities in how the brain reacts to emotional pain as compared to physical pain.  However, such reactions are slowed down for people who have more social support.
5. Stop and Notice – Take the time to notice at least one good thing that happened in your day.  This could be as simple as not spilling your coffee or making it to an appointment on time.
6. Meditation – Meditation has been shown to actually alter the physical construction of our brains, building up gray matter in brain regions associated with emotional regulation and slowing down brain activity in regions associated with fear.
7. Sleep, sleep, and sleep – Our society doesn’t get enough sleep.  It’s the first thing out the window when we become stressful and begin to worry.  Sleep deprivation can cause a spike in stress hormones and cause an imbalance in other hormones.
8. Get out and run! – Exercise can raise the “good” stress hormones.  It increases endorphins and in general makes you feel better about yourself.  It helps boost your immune system, which stress can affect.  So, instead of going straight for an unhealthy stress relief (like a cigarette or a trip to the bar), take a walk or go for a bike ride instead.

Stress is inevitable, whether at work or in our personal lives.  The key is not only to manage it but find ways to relieve stress.  Taking the time to exercise, sleep, and meditate are just a few of the ways to do it.  Find what best works for you and practice it daily.  Nothing is worth your health and happiness!

Want to learn more?  How about “The perfect amount of stress” by Thea Singer in the March/April 2012 issue of Psychology Today.

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